Monday, September 29, 2008

...With Your Laptop At Cafes

1) Don't hog the chairs. Your purse, handbag, laptop bag can go on an extra chair, which is still acceptable. If you are at a 4-seater table because you don't have any other choice, you can at least pull the empty chairs back so people can pull them away, if they want, without having to ask you.

2) Take the smallest cafe table you can fit at. It's not fair to grab a table for 4 four when it's just you and your machine. As an alternative, laptop users can share those bigger tables - just open your mouth and ask someone if you and your computer can join them and theirs.

3) Don't hog the electrical outlet, either. Use your battery if you can, unless there are plenty of outlets to go around.

4) Keep buying things at the cafe. A purchase each hour shows good faith.

5) Don't borrow the barrista's pens.

6) Say please and thank you to the barristas. Coffee tending is a tough job.

7) Mute the sound on your computer. This may sound obvious, but like cell phones in theaters, sometimes people forget. Alternatively, wear headphones.

8) Try to stay off your phone when inside the coffeeshop. Keep the ringer on vibrate. And if you must make/answer a call, keep it low key, and keep it short. Take it outside the cafe if you must conduct business.

And lastly, smile at other people in the cafe. Don't look so serious and intimidating all the time. Coffeeshops are social places! A little friendliness will give us all a better face to the world.

...When You Want To Board The Elevator

How many times do you just wish people would just practice some common courtesies while taking the elevator? Here are 10 good commandments to put up on your office pantry for everyone to follow!

1) Thou shalt not fart.

2) Thou shalt not attempt to board elevator before previous passengers have disembarked. The universe does not revolve around you.

3) Thou shalt not press button for wrong floor without acting appropriately ashamed as elevator stops and doors open then shut without anyone leaving.

4) Thou shall take the stairs if travelling between one or two floors, lest incur the wrath of those traveling to the 20th floor whose trips are delayed due to your laziness.

5) Thou shall hold the door for others running to catch the carriage.

6) However, thou shalt not hold the door indefinitely and delay travel for other passengers.

7) Thou shall wait for empty carriage if thou is sick. If that proves impossible, thou shall refrain from coughing/sneezing/etc. for duration of ride, even if this means thou's face turns bright red and thou feels like dying.

8) Thou shall give others their personal space in an uncrowded elevator.

9) Thou shalt not call out their floor to the person standing nearest the buttons as if that person is the lift operator. If there is space to do so, thou shalt press button thyself.

10) Thou shalt not carry on personal conversations, be they person-to-person or via cellular phone. Thine elevator is not thine phone booth.

...In The Office Toilet!

It is a delicate issue, but one that must be addressed. Here are some do's and don'ts.

1) Don't… Conduct business. Let your coworkers do their thing in peace. In fact, don't chit-chat while in the restroom. And NEVER gossip. EVER. You will never know who is behind the other closed cubicle.

2) Do… Tidy up. No one wants to navigate around your mess. Yes, there are usually janitors, but a.) it is rude to make them pick up your soiled toilet paper and b.) until they come in, your office mates are forced to use a bathroom that is filthy. Throw away your trash, wipe up excess water, and for God's sake-no sprinkles on the seats.

3) Do…Flush. And check to make sure everything went down.

4) Don't…Take your time. If people are waiting, please hurry, particularly in situations where the toilet and sink are in one room. I am not sure why, but women disappear into single bathrooms and it is like they step into a time warp. What are they doing in there? This is not the time to change your hairstyle, examine your pores for pimples, reassess your outfit choice for the day, etc. Even if no one is waiting when you go in there? Chances are a line is forming outside. So step on it.

5) Do…Cover up your stink. Bring in an air deodorizer to keep in the bathroom, and spray liberally.

6) Do…Treat it better than your bathroom at home. Perhaps you don't mind your own mess, have no issues with going unflushed, but in an office environment, be respectful. Keep the place nice for others, if not yourself.